Persecution in America! Is Fake!
The Christian Anti-Defamation Commission released a list of “the top ten incidents of anti-Christian defamation, bigotry and discrimination in the US from last year.” By now, it’s clear that I don’t see eye-to-eye with Christian doctrine, but this goes beyond that. The Christian worldview, at least as exemplified by these myopic hacks, distorts reality almost beyond recognition.
Their list appears in block quotes; my commentary follows each item. I have not edited the list.
10. Pro-life Pastor Reverend Walter Hoye of Oakland, was jailed for exercising peaceful, pro-life speech.
Hoye violated a city ordinance that established an 8-foot boundary around people entering and exiting abortion clinics. Time, place and manner restrictions are well-established, entirely Constitutional limits on where, when, and how free speech can be delivered. In this case, the restriction simply prevented him from getting right in women’s faces as they entered medical clinics. Furthermore, Hoye was offered alternatives to jail, but he rejected them in protest of the reasonable restrictions by which we all must abide. Of course, the top 10 list didn’t mention any of the facts behind the story; they create the impression of a guy just doing his thing and getting thrown in the hoosegow willy nilly.
Proceeding through the list, you’ll notice a pattern of omitted facts. Apparently, the CADC doesn’t understand that stripping every hint of culpability from the Christians in their stories arouses suspicion in the reader. They are counting on us not saying, “can that really be true? Let me see for myself.” It’s contemptuous of the audience and highly dishonest.
Think about the innocent Mr. Hoye. His defense was that being forced to stand 8 feet away from another person restricted his free speech. Have you ever stood 8 feet away from someone? Did it pose a substantial limitation on your ability to speak? Perhaps, like Mr. Hoye, you prefer to speak with people while standing right in their fucking faces. As long as they’re not walking into abortion clinics in Oakland, you’re fine.
9. Rev. Fred Winters was murdered while preaching in his pulpit in Maryville, Illinois.
A deplorable act, but the act of a psycho gunman.
8. HBO’s program “Curb Your Enthusiasm” aired an episode where the main actor urinates on painting of Jesus. When confronted HBO would not apologize.
They have a point here. A painting of their idol was belittled.
7. The overt homosexual participation in Obama’s presidential inaugural events by “Bishop” Vickie Eugene Robinson, the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington D. C., and a homosexual marching band.
This may be the most telling entry on their list. They deem the participation of homosexuals in a national event to be an act of “defamation, bigotry, [or] discrimination” against Christians. That is cunty intolerance in the first degree. They talk about “overt homosexual participation;” I don’t know what makes the sexuality of the participation overt, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it did not involve sodomy, or even Frenching, on the National Mall.
This looks to me like they are seriously claiming that the participation of out gays is “defamation, bigotry, [or] discrimination.” I guess the shameless faggots should jump back into the closet.
6. Police called to East Jessamine Middle School in Lexington, Kentucky to stop 8th graders from praying during their lunch break for a student whose mother was tragically killed.
Yet again, this would be an outrage if it were true. Cops weren’t called. The kids were not targeted for praying, but for stretching their prayer time past the end of the lunch period, skipping class en masse. Now think about this. If police were called to a school in Kentucky to stop kids from praying, don’t you think the local news would be all over the story? This is Kentucky, not some pagan stronghold like Larchmont, New York. Now search “east jessamine school prayer”; throw in “police” if you’d like. Good luck finding primary media results (notice that the link I included provides the details I mentioned in the comments. This story’s web profile is almost nil.)
You can’t even take their word for it, as the list repeatedly demonstrates CADC’s willingness to play fast and loose with the facts.
5. Pro-life activist Jim Pullion was murdered in front of his granddaughter’s high school for showing the truth about abortion.
Again, a deplorable act perpetrated by a lone nut. Terrible? Yes. Persecution? Not really. It doesn’t excuse his murder in the slightest, but what was this guy doing protesting abortion in front of a high school? This video shows Pullion’s style of protesting; he was one of those people you see with enormous photos of mangled fetuses. Don’t high school students have enough to worry about while they ARE IN SCHOOL without being distracted by mangled fetuses? Again, his murder was an evil act, and Pullion’s choice to exercise his right cannot be seen as a provocaton to his own murder, but this guy’s choices were absurd.
4. An activist judge ordered a home school mom in New Hampshire to stop home schooling her daughter because the little girl “reflected too strongly” her mother’s Christian faith.
OUTRAGE! Oh, wait. It would be an OUTRAGE if it were true. It turns out that the girl’s parents are divorced, and they had different priorities for her education. Her father showed both a guardian ad litem and the court that the girl would be better served by a typical educational experience than by home schooling. While the mother’s desires were contradicted by the court order, this is only because the father, an impartial court-appointed attorney, and the court agreed on the issue.
So this is a case of the system working against the mother who happened to be Christian. CADC didn’t feel the need to report that this was a case in which the mother’s wishes contradicted the father’s. They reported the story they wanted to report: an evil court arbitrarily stole parental rights from a woman for the crime of being Christian. Look! It was even an “activist judge!” The narrative as provided doesn’t even imply the rest of the facts. These people are really dishonest.
3. The Federal Department of Homeland Security issued a report entitled “Rightwing (sic) Extremism: Current Economic and Political Climate” that labeled conservative Christians extremists and potential terrorists.
With a little tweaking, this entry would be more precise; the report labeled conservative Christian extremists as potential terrorists. It didn’t say that all conservative Christians are dangerous. Just the dangerous ones. Does the CADC deny the existence of the Christian Identity movement? Didn’t a conservative Christian extremist kill George Tiller?
2. President Obama’s appointment of radical anti-Christians like homosexual activist Kevin Jennings as the “safe school czar;” pro-abortion advocate Kathleen Seblius (sic) made Secretary of Human and Health Services, and Chai Feldblum, pro-homosexual and anti-religious liberty judge nominated for Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.
Bullshit spin. Outright. The articles I linked to deal with Feldblum and Jennings. As for Sebelius being pro-choice? Perhaps someone should explain to CADC that in a democracy, the loser doesn’t get to have his way. Sorry, losers.
1. The Federal Hate Crimes Bill that attacks religious liberty and freedom of speech. For the first time in our history ministers are vulnerable to investigation and prosecution for telling the truth about homosexuality.
I disagree with maintaining a special hate crime category. I think crime sucks, regardless of the motivation. That said, the federal bill does not do what these fucking inbreds say it does. It makes crimes punishable by stiffer penalties if they are motivated by hatred. Its effect on freedom of speech is this: If you scream “die, nigger” while beating up an African-American, you face worse punishment. If you scream “die, faggot” while beating up a homosexual, you face worse punishment. This has jack shit to do with Christianity.
So there you go. Out of 10 entries, 3 are legit. Take away the 2 freak murders, and we’re left with Larry David pissing on Jesus. That can’t be worse blasphemy than the lies, spin, and half-truths these fuckers have put out in Jesus’ name. And this from the people who would deny gays a civil right. Fuck civil rights, these assholes would deny gays the opportunity to form a marching band and chorus! The truth would make a wonderful corrective lens for this distorted worldview.
Is It Luck? 
these Christian guys need to decide whether they are a majority or not. Speaking of which, check out my list of atrocities committed against White Americans in 2009.
What no war on Christmas? I thought that shit was raging like a motherfucker still.
Wallmart greeters saying “happy holidays” is a war the way that healthcare reform is the holocaust, and sadly both these opinions have been disseminated.
Ha!
Yeah and the whole war on Christmas thing also seems like its really kind of antithetical to the actual christian values associated with Christmas.
From what I recall Jesus was not all about merchants hanging out in the temple, and thus thrusting the temple into the merchants doesn’t seem like it’d really be all that much better.
They seem not to object to the merchant’s metaphorical presence in exploiting their most sacred holiday but to decry that their banners doing so are insufficiently gaudy to sell cheap child labor made novelty sweaters and big screen tvs that people can’t afford, using money that could be better spent at charity or some such ACTUAL CHRISTIAN VALUE. How could the answer to WWJD possibly be to have a tantrum about what ad executives at some major corporations do to try to be PC? War, starvation and other such things are NOT AS IMPORTANT.
Getting back to charity this is a cool site http://www.kiva.org/community, where it appears right now that Atheists are more generously donating fund than Christians.
This is a fabulous debunk of most of the CADC’s claims. Great job!
Of course you key on the sin they’re all committing in your first paragraph, the sin of omission. Romans 7:19 anyone?
Thanks, Truthspew (if that is your real name).
Of course Revelation says that all liars shall have their part in the lake of fire. These people are hypocritical, opportunistic jerks.
Yesterday, I emailed the CADC for comment on the post. I’m not holding my breath
The CADC is whining that not being allowed to infringe on others’ rights is infringing on their rights.
They zero sense of perspective, that’s for sure.
Wow. Good thing we know with absolute though unevidenced certainty that the authors of the bible weren’t given to such hysterical hyperbole, otherwise…
“Hey Matthew, whatcha writin’?”
“I’m writing about the persecution of Jesus.”
“Jesus? That carpenter who made a big fuss out of getting a ticket for parking his mule in front of the temple all day a few years back?”
“Yeah. I’m using his story as an allegory for Roman oppression, but somehow ‘In the Year 33, He was given a Parking Ticket’ doesn’t quite have the ‘oomph’ I’m looking for.”
“I see. Well, what if you mix his story with that of Spartacus?”
“You mean, have him crucified rather than minorly inconvenienced? I guess I could, but who’d believe that?”
@ brownian. HA!
If you think the Holocaust was bad, wait until I tell you about my pal who was arrested for screaming in womens’ faces as they walked into Planned Parenthood.
I love that Sebelius is labeled a “radical Anti-Christian” for being a pro-choice Christian. Gives you a tremendous amount of perspective on where these people are coming from. And by “where”, I mean Mars.
I am convinced that the CADC lives in Bizarro America.
Actually, the Curb Your Enthusiasm example was not about belittling Jesus, but was more about questioning why people put a picture of Jesus over say, their toilet or any other inherently unclean place. Also the guy who did it did it by accident and he still paid a karmic price for it (mostly because he’s always a jerkass.)
It was a funny episode. All I meant by my post was that it’s true that urine got on the picture of Jesus it’s true that it was done for comedic value, and it’s true that if you’re into Christian idolotry, that would be insulting.
It’s the closest thing these morons have to a legitimate point on the entire list, and it doesn’t come close to an act of persecution.
You know what’s even funnier? Christians eat their idol’s flesh and drink his blood (Catholics do it weekly, Protestants only a few times a year).
And we all know where all that flesh and blood eventually ends. Don’t we?
I am certain that the Catholic Church has a doctrine that explains when a consecrated host stops being Jesus and starts being shit.
Good debunking, but you know what they say about christians:
“- How do you know a christian is lying?”
“- …”
“- He is opening his mouth!”
No, it isn’t me that is so bigoted, it is the CAD commission that seems to want us to draw this conclusion when they lie for their god.
What, FSM willed it so, and they complain?
How can they take their beliefs seriously (or expect us to do the same) when the most generous characterization of their article is that it’s intentionally
Btw, I believe the catholic organization has this down to a fine art, as they seem to have cadres of people who scrutinizes new and old utterances to weed out this type of obvious stupidity where they can.
Still, they are nominally ruled by a mouth piece who has arisen to his point of likely incompetence (no competition on the post), and they are trying to make sense out of the senseless anyway, so it’s a sisyphean work to say the least.
What’s even more disgusting is that the Federal Hate Crimes Bill protects christians as well. If I go around killing or maiming christians while screaming “die, christian”, I get a stiffer penalty.
I have no more objection to the bill dealing with crimes against Christians than I do wirh the bill in general.
Interesting that the 2 murders weren’t 1 and 2 on the list.
If you saw the offending episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” Larry David did not piss on am image of JC. What happened was LD was suffering from pissing great streams of piss due to some medication he was taking, and while using the bathroom at his secretary’s house some pee splashed up on the picture that was hanging on the wall. funny scene and he was truly sorry for what had occured
I did see it. I am a big fan of Larry David. I was being generous to the CADC because I hit them pretty hard on every other point. Frankly, if the closest thing they have to a legit gripe is a couple drops of urine on a picture that imagines what their Lord and Savior could have looked like, I am happy to grant the validity of their point.
Makes it more fun to laugh at them that way.
Those stupid fuckers.
Of course, you know, they’ll just point to this post as further evidence of “persecution!” They’ll view anything shy of having the right to shove their views down everyone’s throats as “persecution.”
Absolutely. Thanks to laptops and wireless internet, I can persecute while snug under the covers of my bed or alone in library study room. Pretty much the only place I can’t presecutre from is the shower.
Jesus Christ said in Matthew 15, murder originates within the hearts of men, as well as cruelty, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, and slander. A fact clearly seen in the sharp increase of national moral degradation that has manifested itself since 1963, when the tyrannical Justices of the U.S. Supreme Court declared the Holy Bible unconstitutional, after being America’s main teaching manual for over two hundred and fifty years, and in violations of the First Commandment of God which commands all people everywhere, “You shall have no other gods before me.”
In essence, the Justices deprived generations of Americans from accessing the wisdom found written in the pages of the Holy Bible, which are God-breathed, and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, and replaced them with the scourges of the Theory of Evolution or Science Fiction, Sex Education or Sex Perversion, and the inclusion of the homosexual agenda, which usurps parental rights in supports of the homosexual lifestyle that trivializes and encourages the practices of sodomy, and fornication, while the Christian Leadership remains gagged to this very day, under the authority of the Internal Revenue Service 501c3 Tax-Exempt Code, which prohibit churches from drafting legislation, and endorse political candidates, and Christians love it this way, since they can recover their donations to the church by filing their annual Income Tax Return. They give to God with one hand and they take it back with the other hand, that’s hypocrisy at its best.
The father of modern revivalism Charles G. Finney has very aptly observed: “If there is a decay of conscience, the pulpit is responsible for it. If the public press lacks moral discernment, the pulpit is responsible for it. If the church is degenerate and worldly, the pulpit is responsible for it. If the world loses its interest in Christianity, the pulpit is responsible for it. If Satan rules in our halls of legislation, the pulpit is responsible for it. If our politics become so corrupt that the very foundations of our government are ready to fall away, the pulpit is responsible for it.”
The Bible is not unconstitutional. It has never been declared unconstitutional, nor can it be declared unconstitutional without an amendment striking down both the free exercise clause and free speech. Every conclusion of yours that follows from this demonstrably absurd premise is likewise absurd and false. Nice try.
Furthermore, your assertion that the justices are tyrannical is nonsense. The Court has been exercising its power of judicial review since Marbury v. Madison in the early 19th century. The Constitution provides for the Supreme Court’s lifetime appointment, and they are bound by the Constitution. If their rulings are unpopular enough, there is a Constitutional amendment process that can tie their hands. They are nominated by the executive, subject to the advice and consent of the Senate. Furthermore, they have no enforcement power of their own, and they do not control police, military, or justice department. Any definition of tyranny that could possibly apply to the Supreme Court is necessarily watered down past the point of being meaningful. If you don’t like them, say so, but as it stands every conclusion of yours that follows from the demonstrably absurd premise of a tyrannical judiciary is likewise absurd and false. Nice try.
Nor is the first commandment of the Decalogue binding upon the Supreme Court of the United States. To say that it is is to ignore the establishment clause of the First Amendment to the Constitution. Binding our nation by the law of some religion is PRECISELY the establishment that the amendment protects against. Your refusal to accept evolution betrays a mind snapped shut against the intrusion of evidence that may contradict your sacred cows. Your characterization of sexual education as a usurpation of parental rights is bizarre given the right of parents to withdraw their children from sex ed or to send their children to schools whose morality conforms to their own. If you hate America so much, feel free to leave.
Body, you reek of unfounded arrogance, ignorance and inexperience. How are you going to learn if you are unwilling to humble yourself to a Holy God? First, you must know your station in life, and then you must understand that God is the King, Master, Judge and Creator of the Universe, and everything in it, including you. God created your inmost being, and knitted you together in your mother’s womb. You did not choose the color of your hair, or the color of your eyes, or the color of your skin, or your sex, or your height, and you certainly did not choose your parents or your sweetheart, everything was chosen for you by God.
Now get this, God demands moral perfection from His subjects, that’s why He gave us the Ten Commandments for us to obey, but since we are born sinners, and separated from the love, and wisdom of God, it is impossible for human beings to obey Him, therefore the whole human race stands condemned to the eternal fire of hell.
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, chose to save us through His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, who is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son
Jesus Christ has divided time in half, and he also drew a line in the sand, forcing human beings or the subjects of his kingdom to choose sides, a person will either stand with Jesus, or will crawl on the outside with Satan, and eventually will be tormented in hell forever.
.
Think, before your brief life on earth is over. What are you going to do with Jesus Christ? Will you embrace him as your savior? Or will you continue to reject him, and at any moment find yourself in hell being tormented forever and ever? I know that you are thinking it’s all nonsense. What if you are wrong? Are you willing to risk a temporary life of sin on earth for eternal torment in hell?
These are the dreadful words of Jesus Christ recorded in the book of Revelation, “But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral (the fornicator, adulterer and homosexual), those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars–their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur or (hell). This is the second death (or spiritual death).”
You are wildly incorrect about the Constitution and the workings of the US government. I explained why you’re wrong. You call this unfounded arrogance and change the subject to your favorite mythology.
You ask what if I am wrong. If I am wrong not to believe in god, it’s equally likely that any of the gods that people have made up exist. If the god you believe in is the correct one, I will spend eternity in agony because your perverse sadistic beast of a Lord created us knowing we’d sin yet loathes his own creation so much that he’s thrilled to hurt us for eternity for being who we are.
Fortunately, I am not wrong and you’ve dedicated your life to nonsense.
Did you know that historians believe that prior to writing Revelations, John the Baptist consumed one of the many, many hallucinogenic mushrooms that grew on the banks of the river in which he baptized people? Revelations makes way more sense when you imagine it was written while tripping balls.
Henry: God can’t be all-powerful, because he can’t create a wall too tall for him to jump over. Think about it, and then get back to me. Or don’t.
You cannot nullify the facts by your unbelief. God will not cease to exist just because you say that God does not exist. Next to God you are like a defenseless powerless worm. If you are atheist, sodomite, lesbian or transgender, chances are you have the same hateful nature towards God as your father the devil. Even dough you look human, inwardly you area spiritually deficient. Jesus Christ, the creator of mankind affirmed that fact in Matthew 13: 24 –30 & 13: 36 –43. Jesus said that there are two kinds of peoples in the world. The offspring of God, and the hell bound offspring of the devil. The devil is a fallen angel; therefore his offspring cannot be fully human, since God made only man in His image, and likeness, from the dust of the ground, and by breathing into his nostrils the breath of life. Even though all appear human physically, atheists, sodomites, lesbians, and transgender are not fully human because they lack the breath of life; the medium necessary needed to acknowledge that God does exists. You will remember every blasphemous word you uttered against God, and his Son Jesus Christ. They will resonate in your being over and over without ceasing, when you find yourself in hell burning in eternal agony forever and ever.
You’re right that my belief won’t change anything. However, the utter lack of evidence supporting your ridiculous superstious beliefs weighs heavily in my favor.
Matthew 22:35-40.
1 Corinthians 13
Henry, please read them.
BTW I’m intersexed, born with a body neither wholly male nor wholly female. You know, “eunuchs born of their mothers womb” (Matthew 19:12 of course, first line). And you also know what we have to do, and what reward awaits us, because Isaiah 56:3-5 spells that out explicitly.
Now please have a look at these two sites-
http://www.usrf.org/news/010308-guevedoces.html
http://edition.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/meast/12/17/gaza.gender.id/
Thank you.
A fisherman walking on the seashore noticed a blind man from birth, groping along the beach with his white cane, just as the sun began peeking out from the horizon. The man was astonished by the beautiful spectacle unfolding right before his eyes, so he was compelled to describe to the blind man the different hues, colors, and shades to the best of his abilities, but the blind man wouldn’t believe him, in fact he thought the stranger was blind also.
That sucks.
Calling me blind or ignorant is not a substitute for evidence.
Jesus said, “For judgment I have come into this world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind. If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains.”
Jesus is purported to have said that. In an unreliable book.
Remember, your ass is on the line!
No, it isn’t. That’s the whole point.
Henry, remember: Your ass has your head in it…
Wow.
Da small hood o’ Kingsville, Texas, jet into uh panic when uh quiet night
A biotch got burned during an attempt ta self exterminate bugs in her home.
wuz broken by uh sudden invasion by an army o’ 800 camouflaged men an’ 8 unmarked The biotch, whose identity wuz not been released, activated 30 fogger-style “bug bombs” in helicopters. Guns wuz fired, bombs exploded, an abandoned factory an’ abandoned her home, including one in da kitchen area. An ignition source triggered an explosion po-po station jet up in flames. Neither da 911 dispatchers nor da authorities say burned da biotch, po-po could offer peeps any explanation. shattered da windows an’ lifted da roof three inches. According ta fire spokesman Jim It turns out da Army forgot ta tell anyone in advance about dis here exercise in urban gorilla Wells, nahh mo’ than three or four foggers should gots been used an’ da blast caused warfare training. So, everything wuz under control. Or wuz it? The two buildings wuz set on fire by accident. w0rd!
What in the world are you talking about? And why is it in that ridiculous dialect?
“ah started t’turn an’ it was at this hyar point ah noticed a camel an’ an elephant tethard at th’ vahge. This hyar distrackshun cuzd me t’lose corncentrashun an’ hit a bollard, cuss it all t’ tarnation.” “Gwine t’wawk at 7am this hyar mo’nin’ ah drove outta mah drive straight into a bus. Th’ bus was 5 minutes early..” (Thanks N Bradley) “ah was drivin’ along th’ moto’way when th’ po-lice pulled me on over onto th’ hard sh’der. Unfo’tunately ah was in th’ middle lane an’ thar was t’other car in th’ way..””ah pulled into a lay-by wif smoke a-comin’ fum unner th’ hood, cuss it all t’ tarnation. ah realised th’ car was on fire so took mah houn’dog an’ sMammyed it wif a blanket.” Th’ claimant had collided wif a cow. Th’ quesshuns an’ answers on th’ claim fo’m were – Q: Whut in tarnation warnin’ was given by yo’? A: Ho’n, as enny fool kin plainly see. Q: Whut in tarnation warnin’ was given by t’other party? A: Moo. “ah pulled away fum th’ side of th’ road, glanced at mah Mammy-in-law an’ haided on over th’ embankment.” . This hyar distrackshun cuzd me t’lose corncentrashun an’ hit a bollard, cuss it all t’ tarnation.” “ah had been shoppin’ fo’ plants all day an’ was on mah way home. As ah retched an interseckshun a hedge sprang up obscurin’ mah vishun an’ ah did not see t’other car.” “Comin’ home ah drove into th’ wrong house an’ collided wif a tree ah doesn’t have.”
Barry, just came over here from Ed Brayton’s place. Thanks for the link; your friend Henry should be in the circus. You are a good animal wrangler.
Invite me for the puppy, baby, kitten picnic. I will bring mudpie dessert. Real mud.
Thanks, 35↑. I have no idea what this fool is up to. I think he’s probably a racist, which is no surprise given the history of Christianity in this country. C’est la vie. Thanks for coming by. I hope you like the rest of the ol’ web log.
Henry: this is your first and final warning – you may post whatever you wish as long as it isn’t nonsense like you’ve posted in your last two comments. If you refuse to speak in good faith, you may no longer comment here.
It is obvious that you are not man enough to fight your own battles. You just hide behind your little cronies trying to radiate an aura of cleverness, but you have been exposed by your own fakery. Even children can understand the evidence. When the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” Jesus called a little child and had him stand among them, and said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Your great pride is preventing you from entering the Kingdom of God, and all your assumptions are based on pure speculations. Only those inside the Kingdom of God have all the answers. Jesus says, “I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” Jesus says to you, if you want to see life, you must become like a little child, and you must surrender your life by faith to Jesus Christ. Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.
The Book of the Prophet April
Chapter 1
1. Verily am I blessed among women, for I have had revealed unto me the Truthful Doctrine of the Invisible Pink Unicorn (Peace Be Unto Her).
2. And this was the manner of it. For I was wandering and confused upon the beaches of A/sa/teague, when I was approached by a small and shaggy pony, which did attempt to eat the apple which I was holding. “Away,” I cried. “Foul beast, would you steal the apple which is mine?”
3. Then did the pony look down upon me, and spake: “Child, do you not know me?”
4. And I said, “Verily, it is not my habit to consort with local wildlife.”
5. And the pony spake thus: “Quit it with the ‘verily’ bit, OK? Know, then, you ignorant heathen, that you are in the Presence of the One you have sought, but never found.”
6. And lo! the shaggy pony disappeared, and I felt myself to be in the Presence. And indeed was the Presence pink, and shaped like unto a unicorn. Yet such was the overwhelming nature of the Presence that I could not, in truth, look upon it.
7. For indeed, my friends, it is for this reason that the great Pink Unicorn is called Invisible, and that is, that the Presence is too great for our small eyes to truly see, and too awesome for our small minds to comprehend. It is by our faith alone that we know her to be Pink, and a Unicorn.
8. And truly those who say otherwise are heretics and unbelievers, and shall be cast into the Great Manure Pile where her Sacred Dwarves shall indeed nibble on their kneecaps for all eternity. And serve them right.
9. Yet when I felt myself to be in the Presence I was afraid. And I cast myself face down in the sand and begged, “O Galloping Goddess, forgive me that I did not know you, and do not send me forth to eat lunch with your ancient foe, the Purple Oyster of Doom. For he will force me to eat pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms, and I shall be most afflicted.”
10. And Her Pinkness proclaimed, “Do not be afraid, my servant, for you have been misled by the false prophets who quote Chapters and Verses of books which do not exist. And yet I have also revealed to them the Eternal Truth, and indeed have they mangled it.”
11. “And furthermore shall you know that it is fitting that I be celebrated by prophets who do not exist, in verses that do not exist, for books that do not exist. For my own existence is of a dubious and contradictory nature, and I like it that way.”
12. Then was I much confused, whereat I asked, “Then how, O You Whose Hooves Are Never Shod, shall I know how to behave myself, if even Your holy books are not to be believed?”
13. And thus spoke She Who Is Pink, and said, “That is what I shall tell you, for I shall reveal to you the Truth, if you will just shut up and listen. And verily, get your face outta the sand.”
Or in other words… do not feed the Trolls.
Haha!
I have cronies??? Cool!
You are not only dishonest you are also a scoundrel, a deceiver, and a sorry excuse for a human being. Therefore you are not qualified to pass judgment, and least of all, you are not qualified to pass judgment about Jesus Christ. If you tell me that you are a full time resident inmate of Bellevue Hospital Psychiatric Ward, then I understand your claim that Jesus does not exist, since that would be the same as saying that 4 + 4= 10.
Tell me from what hole you crawled out of? Was it a hole in the ground, a hole in the wall, or from a hole in the sewer pipe? A would guess, and say you come from a hole in the sewer pipe. My language is not clear to you because you are a hell bound cowering fool. You are unable to hear what I say because you belong to your father, the devil. All you want to do is to carry out your father’s desire; he was and still is a murderer, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. I did my duty before God Almighty, you have been warned, and your blood will be on your own head!
My father’s name is Robert.
Holy effing Me, Henry, give it a rest.
Thanks, Jesus.
4+4=10 in Octal (base 8) just the way 8+8=10 in Hexadecimal (base 16)
And for those not familiar with the Bible – I’ll use the KJV for now:
Matthew 22:35-40
35 – Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying,
36 – Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
37 – Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
38 – This is the first and great commandment.
39 – And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
40 – On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
In other words… if you’re being cruel, you’ve missed the point.
Talmudaic scholars will of course recognise that Jesus was using the words of one of the great Pharisaic scholars, Rabbi Hillel, to pwn a Pharisaic opponent.
Now for 1 Corinthians 13:
1 – Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2 – And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
3 – And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
4 – Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 – Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 – Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 – Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
8 – Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
9 – For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
10 – But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
11 – When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12 – For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
13 – And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
In other words.. you can be the world’s greatest biblical scholar, pious to an extreme, even saintly… but if you do it just to show how superior you are to those “miserable sinners”, you’re not worth spit. You’ve blown it badly, missed the whole point. Committed Canine Intercourse.
Hey, continue eating crap, you and millions of flies cannot go wrong!
You’re hilarious, Henry. Seriously. Come back and comment any time.