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An Open Letter On the Occasion of the Attempted Bombing of United Flight 663

April 7, 2010
by

Dear Crazy Muslim Fuckheads,

This shit is going to go on forever, isn’t it?  You facefucks had a good thing going in Afghanistan: corruption, poppy fields, illiterate women, and public torture in the soccer stadiums.  Then you had to go and fuck it up with September 11.  I suppose you felt like you accomplished something, but look what you brought on yourself.

A lot of your friends got killed.  We put some dick in charge.  We lost a lot of our soldiers and spent a lot of money.  Fuck.  Nobody wants this, right?  Who wins?

America, Karzai flipped the fuck out.  How’s that for egg on our fucking faces?  This piece of shit prefers the Taliban to decent governance.  Whoops.  Our bad.

So how about this: We pack up our toys and go home.  Leave Afghanistan to the fucking wolves.  They want to suck.  Is it really worth one minute’s grief to continue the attempt to give them something other than the shit they’re dedicated to?

Fuck.

So here’s my proposal:  Keep Afghanistan.  We don’t need it and we don’t want it.  You can have your shitty whackjob Muslim playground.  Circle jerk to Mohammad.  Whatever it is you miserable fucks do with your shitty lives.

We’ll be over here listening to Toby Keith, watching South Park, and munching on KFC’s Double Downs.

Fuck.

Yr pal,

Uncle Barry

PS – So it turns out it may have just been a Qatari diplomat smoking a butt in the bathroom of the jet then giving the air marshal some sass.  Fuck it, man.  My proposal stands.

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