Dispatches From Las Vegas: The Wrap Up
I am back home from Sin City, and the most important thing I have to report is that Penn & Teller’s show is the best thing I saw there. By far.
I had been warned that the Strip is manned by people distributing calling cards for prostitutes, but I didn’t know that I would return to my hotel with several hundred cards one day. Look:
By the time I had walked all that way, then called each number to haggle, I was too tired to seal the deal. Bummer. I have always thought of chlamydia as a souvenir. Speaking of which, I had a good business idea. McCarran Airport should have a “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” medical clinic. I suspect they could sell and inject gallons of penicillin and crab poison daily.
As you may know, the Bellagio Hotel & Casino has a famously complicated fountain. Its artful sprayings are choreographed (at least the time I saw it) to God Bless the USA by Lee Greenwood. What a perfect match! The whole experience overwhelmed my emotions, and I shed a patriotic tear or two. That three minute show alone is worth the trip. Just fly in, check out the fountain, fly out. You’ll be so grateful to me and to Lee Greenwood and to Barney Bellagio or whoever the fuck came up with this thing. It will make you look like this: