Skip to content

A Desperate Plea to the Best Military Minds of My Generation

February 11, 2010

I learned something terrible today.  According to Wikipedia, naked mole rats are also known as sand puppies.  That any human being would compare these most wretched of all living creatures to puppies is the final injustice; I can no longer countenance the existence of the naked mole rat. 

They are bucktoothed, eyeless, foreskins clambering over one another and forming fleshy clots in their squalid underground lairs.  They must cease to exist.  My proposal is this: I would like the United States military, the greatest human force in the world’s history, to devote careful study to the vulnerabilities of this wrinkly scourge.  Identify their unique weaknesses, and create a weapon to exploit those weaknesses.  We need a bomb that will push naked mole rats into extinction while preserving the jewels of our planet’s biodiversity.

No comments yet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: