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Follow Up Re: Ikea Furniture

January 13, 2010
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Yesterday, I mentioned that someone tried to scam me as I sold $150 worth of Ikea furniture on Craig’s List. I responded to him in typical how-I-fuck-with-scammers fashion. Just wanted to share the email I sent to him this afternoon shortly after the appointed rendezvous time:

Mr. Warren,

I trust that your people observed the chalk outline of the immature barn owl this afternoon. If they missed it and proceeded to the drop point, they may have been abducted. If you ever see your operatives again, chances are they’ve been brainwashed and are now following orders from the Trilateral Commission and the CFR.

Even in the best-case-scenario, I would discourage you from trying to make contact with them your unless you have a secure SatPhone. If they trace the call to you, they’ll hound you to the end of your days. It’s not like the old days, Warren. Men like you and I can’t even count on anonymizing ourselves in Buenos Aires or even Rangoon anymore.

I am writing you this message from a private submarine somewhere in the Atlantic, heading south. Please do not contact me again. Nor should you trust any further transmissions you receive from this email address. I wish you the best, and hope that our side will prevail with or without $150 worth of shitty Ikea furniture.

Your Brother-in-Arms,

WeaselEye

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. JoJo permalink
    January 13, 2010 10:30 pm

    you’re so great, barbar

  2. Aaron permalink
    January 15, 2010 10:54 pm

    Sandwichface.

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