Dr. StrangePutin or: How I Learned to Resume Worrying About the Bomb While Secretly Hoping They Use It
It might be time to bring back Burt the Turtle. Vlad and Dmitry are talking about new nukes. The Soviets Russians object to the United States building a missile shield system; they understandably fear that the balance of nuclear arms will be upset if their arsenal is rendered useless by US missile defenses.
I guess complete elimination of all nuclear weapons is out of the question, so the only way the Soviet Union Russia can restore the balance of power is by building more nukes. Lovely.
What is the problem? The problem is that our American partners are building an anti-missile shield and we are not building one…By building such an umbrella over themselves, our [US] partners could feel themselves fully secure and will do whatever they want, which upsets the balance…to preserve the balance, we must develop offensive weapons systems.
In other doomsday device news, I recently made the mistake of watching Conspiracy Theory With Jesse Ventura. In the episode I saw, Ventura ran around Alaska with his team of “researchers” to expose the mysterious HAARP device and its nefarious potential.
HAARP is a facility that experiments with shooting energy into the ionosphere. Apparently, it allows for effective communication with nuclear submarines, but Ventura claims that it can control both the weather and human minds. He doesn’t explain exactly how one device can do both, but he does have guests who play with a tube full of water vapor and CD players, which seem to be evidence enough to convince him that HAARP caused Hurricane Katrina and the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami.
Assuming the HAARP facility is what Ventura says it is, wouldn’t Russian intelligence have access to more and better information than the guy from Predator? Why would Russia cite the US’s nascent missile defense program as justification for building new offensive nuclear missiles when they know that the US is sitting on a doomsday device that has already killed hundreds of thousands of people?
Maybe we’re too stupid to live.