A Word on Biblical Literalism, Tower of Babel Edition
After the great flood in which god massacred every puppy, polar bear cub and infant, Noah’s family set to repopulating the world. Soon, people were up to their self-aggrandizing tricks building a tower that reached to heaven. God got pissed off, so he went all 9/11 on that shit.
The question comes to mind: how far need we delve into the skies before god goes fucking nutty? Currently, the world’s tallest building is 2,684 feet tall, and it’s doing ok. So the Tower of Babel had to be more than half a mile tall.
But here’s the problem, we regularly send people a couple hundred miles up – the altitude of the International Space Station is 191 nautical miles – and they don’t smack into Jesus. On a few very special occasions, we shot people a quarter of a million miles out to the moon without angering the lord and savior.
It gets worse. The Voyager 1 spacecraft is the furthest artificial object from Earth. Built to explore Jupiter and Saturn, the Voyager was launched in 1977. To say it has outlasted its original mission would be an epic understatement. This fucking thing is on its way out of the solar system.
As of July 31, Voyager 1 was 10,287,000,000 miles away from our planet. That’s more than 110 times the distance from the sun to the earth. It’s still functional, and NASA expects it to remain functional for long enough to figure out exactly where the sun ceases to be the boss and the mysterious interstellar medium begins.
If it seems absurd to say that the Tower of Babel had to be more than 10 billion miles tall in order to become an affront to god, I suppose it is. But, for all the data it has gathered over all those miles, Voyager 1 hasn’t turned up a god. Not even a communion wafer. I guess those ancient architects really had their shit together.