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Pageantry! Horngull!

September 4, 2009

So I left off the creative dog grooming post by saying it could be worse, and linking to a child pageant website. Well, after posting the dog thing, I had a look around that website, and it’s more depraved that I thought.

Not only is it crack for stage parents, promising to deliver “What You Want In A Pageant…Television Exposure And The Recognition You Deserve”, it is also a total fucking scam.

These bottom-feeders actually have a so-called “mail in pageant“. You send them 195 bucks, they send you a tiara and a “state title”.

Here’s the order form for their major pageant. It’s five hundred dollars minimum! These sick fucks.

Anyhow, Milton had a question:

Dear Annettte Hill,

I am new to country and look to have my 4 years old daughter making frends now. I bring her from Slovenia when her mother die. We live now in near Dallas. Mail in beuty pageaant seems like good way for her to begin involvement in world of being judged for looks; this is very important to me that she begin early.

I am wonder: for mail in butey pagenat, how you prefer girl to be mailed to you? I use Fedex or ship her in crate?

Please let me know, I am ready with credit card.

Update: The woman in charge at Super Ultimate Beauty Spectacular or whatever the fuck this place is called appears to be every bit the fucking moron I would have expected.

Her first response: If you need our address just let me know.

Milt’s reply: THank you for reply, Annete,

As I say, I want to become ivolved in child pagents, but am new from Slovenia. Please tell me how you want me mail girl to you.

Her second response:
Hi, here is our address. (smile)
Universal Royalty
c/o Annette Hill
12912 Heyerdahl Dr.
Austin Texas 78753
Email me if you have any more questions.

I should put food in crate when I send her to you?

One Comment leave one →
  1. David permalink
    September 4, 2009 10:37 am

    It’s amazing that Milton is able to truly rise up above everything, even despite the fact he was born with a delicious sandwich face. Kudos to you, Milt!

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