Wherein our noble blogger grants a Wikipedia-supplied, hyper-sincere Nintendo game backstory a new credence, puzzling over its finer points.
One of Samus’s recurring adversaries THERE ARE METAPHYSICAL IMPLICATIONS DESERVING OF MORE THAN THE GLOSS-OVER IN THE PRECEDING CLAUSE, Ridley, is a high-ranking Space Pirate PIRATES HAVE RANKS? I THOUGHT THEY WERE ALL EITHER CAP’N OR BOSUN. Ridley shares features with both the pterodactyl and the mythical European dragon. WHICH FEATURES? I DON’T WANT NO FANCY FOOTNOTES, I WANT HOMOLOGY IN THE BODY TEXT. ALSO, WHY JUST EURO DRAGON? WHAT ABOUT CHINA OR MIDDLE EARTH? Ridley’s exact rank is unknown BOSUN OR CAP’N, I PRESUME, with some sources referring to him HIM??? as the general of the Space Pirates. ADMIRAL, PERHAPS – MORE LIKELY CAP’N OR BOSUN, BUT DEFINITELY NOT “GENERAL”[3 ]Ridley directly led the Space Pirate attack on Samus’s home colony of K-2L, which inevitably led to the deaths of all the colonists including Samus’s mother and father. THIS IS ALMOST GREEK IN ITS MYTHOLOGY. TROIDOCULES BY ANIMAXANDER Samus has since had a personal vendetta against Ridley because of this, coupled with her objective to rid the galaxy of Space Pirates. SAMUSOCULES, WHATEVER Over the course of her adventures WITH HER VAGINA BECAUSE SHE’S A GIIIIRL, Samus confronts several different incarnations SEE METAPHYSICS ABOVE of Ridley in the series, such as Meta Ridley METAMETAPHYSICS? from Metroid Prime and Metroid Prime 3, Omega Ridley from Metroid Prime 3 METROID PRIME 3 HAS ROOM FOR A METARIDLEY AND AN OMEGA RIDLEY, BUT METROID PRIME 2 CAN’T EVEN OFFER AN ALPHARIDLEY?, and also an X parasite clone in Metroid Fusion OH and a mechanized version in Zero Mission. OH Ridley appears in the introduction and as a trophy in Super Smash Bros. Melee IF YOU’RE A PUSSO-TOURIST. InSuper Smash Bros. Brawl, both Ridley and Meta Ridley are boss characters AVAILABLE TO METAPUSSO TOURISTS in the Subspace Emissary WHEREVER THAT NONSENSE IS. SHEESH.
The eponymous in-game Metroids are large jellyfish-like creatures with quadripartite nuclei. They are capable of siphoning an undetectable life energy from any animal, generally causing the death of the victim in the process.